And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
