There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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