i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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