They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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