Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
