Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
