I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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