Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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