so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
