what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
