It's like God shit irony all over that family
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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