I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
