I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
