I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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