i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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