oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
