my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
