I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
