Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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