Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
