I hate all girls vehemently.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's always time for handjobs
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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