I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
