Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
