i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she looked like the before picture.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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