You smell like stripper and shame
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
