That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
