Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize