oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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