he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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