Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
