yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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