and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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