I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
