i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
