"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
its not stalking. its research.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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