I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
