I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm at about main and main street
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I didn't notice because vodka
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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