I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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