Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
