So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
