One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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