no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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