The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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