Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
