Apparently you make a good broom.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
