Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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