Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
