dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
