Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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