This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
