I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
