proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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