im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
