When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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