im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
