is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize