People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
