I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
