Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
