the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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