I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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