The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
