I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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