Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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