i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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