I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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