Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
