chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
