he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize