it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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