My liver just broke up with me...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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