Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
