In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
